Slogging away

My life is pretty chaotic at present. My home/romantic life is wonderful but other facets of my life are to put it simply falling apart. I can’t find employment to save my life. I’ve had a kajillion interviews and zero callbacks. The consistent theme lately seems to be rejection.  To be perfectly honest, it isn’t a huge surprise to me.

My resume is pretty weak, all things considered. I’ve had two severe mental collapses in my life. Both times my working life seriously regressed.  All I have for stable work experience in the last few years is shitty low end crap restaurant jobs that ran me ragged.

That’s why I’m pushing forward with the Vincent House thing. Because I’ve never really gotten any kind of help for being mentally ill. I feel like I would be severely stupid to not further investigate the possibility.  As far as that goes, I’m doing what I have to do. I have to first open a case with Florida vocational rehabilitation and designate Vincent House as my provider.

I’ve been through the place and talked to people there. I think these people can really help me get on the right track and I look forward to making it happen.

It’s been ten years since my first nervous breakdown that resulted in my type one bipolar disorder diagnosis. I have tried and tried harder than I thought was humanly possible to make it on my own. I simply can’t make a decent living with what’s available to me. I can’t handle the heat of kitchens any more with all the meds that I take daily.

I’m just not built for straight up warfare type jobs anymore. I need a new skill or something.  I had my intake/orientation appointment with vocational rehabilitation a couple days ago. Tuesday I have my meeting with the counselor to talk about my history and determine my eligibility I suppose.

Here’s hoping. I feel like this is my best shot and I’m taking it. Say a little invocation for me, won’t you?

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Edging Forward

It’s taken a long time,  but I may just now have found a way.  I’ve known for years about a place in my county that does vocational rehabilitation for the mentally ill.  I never thought I needed it until now.

Actually,  that’s not entirely accurate.  I already did vo rehab through the state of Florida in my old trade  (HVAC). After two serious collapses I no longer found myself capable of that kind of work. I still sort of have the physical strength but my wiring and general technical knowledge got pretty much wiped out by losing my mind twice.

I’ve been winging it since then which equals about the last ten years of my life. I’ve done odd, Shitty and mostly food related jobs for terrible pay and a pathetic amount of time on the clock. All the while being abundantly aware of how hard I’m getting screwed. At least in comparison to what I used to make in my early twenties before I went cuckoo.

I’ve been immensely depressed and morose for some time about the state of my working life. Sometimes the fact I’m working at all amazes me. I was on Social security benefits for nearly five years for acute impairment due to  bipolar disorder which was diagnosed just before my twenty-fourth birthday.

I try to cut myself some slack for how far I’ve come and give myself a little credit for still being alive. I just recently fully came out of the closet with my family which has been a major load on my mind as long as I can remember. They were all pretty cool about that and everything actually went much better than I expected.

But yeah, I want to do more than work in a kitchen.  This place has a wide variety of skill training and I feel like they could really help me succeed which in turn would make me more self actualized and most likely a bit happier day to day.

I actually have to give most of the credit to my boyfriend.  He gives me loads of encouragement and told me that it sounded like something that I should pursue.  I’m not used to being with someone who builds me up.  It’s really incredible and beautiful.

The interview process begins in two weeks.  That gives me time to download forms and have them ready when I go there.  I’m really excited about this.

That’s all for now, but if I think of anything else you’ll be the first to hear it.