Is about to fly to Alaska via Seattle. I just got back from driving him to the airport. I started noticing creeping feelings of…well… intense attachment as we moved through the airport. I kept it cool when it came time to part. I held on to him for what felt like forever. One passionate kiss and we went our separate ways and I tried not to cry. At least until I was by myself on the elevator. Everyone on the way there could probably read my face but whatevers.
So here it is. Two weeks without my darling. It’s a good thing I’ll be keeping busy. I snapped this before we left for the airport. I’m so fortunate to have found a person whose geekdom matches my own. Oh hell. I’m simply ill with emotion. It needs to be the day after my birthday so I can hold him tight and ignore all else.
It’s not like I’m entertaining the idea that I’m an expert. Some would say that I’m not qualified to refer to myself as such because I don’t identify as gay. I’ve literally had people tell me my thoughts on the subject don’t matter because I have heterosexual privilege as they call it. Apparently I can just hide out whenever I want because I can just ‘go stealth’ when things get real. Bah. I don’t think these folks understand that my reactions can be be hard to control. I can still get hurt just like anyone else.
I guess my history is
a bit odd because I was more into men at first. Then a female friend seduced me and I was like ‘That was splendid!!!’. I’ve pretty well back and forthed it most of my life. Sometimes I think most folks are way too hung up on labels and titles.
I mean, I have a boyfriend who I absolutely adore. I’m a bisexual male in a homosexual relationship. I don’t identify as strictly hetero or homosexuality because I’ve had rewarding relationships with both. Although sometimes people just don’t get it and I say ‘It’s easier if you just call me queer and leave it at that.’. Not to be a jerk or anything, I just grow weary of having to explain myself.
Some people don’t distinguish between homosexuality and bisexual men. Rather they view both as damaged. This seems to be where the Catholic and Orthodox churches stand and is part of why I have fallen away from Christianity. It’s not the only reason though. Part of it is just that the deeper I tried to conform to Orthodoxy the more I realized it just wasn’t me. I greatly appreciate and value the ancient Hermetic teachings as well as the Rosicrucian tradition and Gnosticism. All of which are denounced as heresy. Meh. Whatever. At least my boyfriend gets the joy of bagging a literal choir boy.
Anyhow, I think a lot less about my romantic attractions than people I know that are puzzled by bisexuality. I just explain it this way: Whether I’m with a man or a woman, they are my top priority and my sanctuary. It doesn’t matter what they are, what attracts me is WHO they are.
Some people seem to think as a bisexual I’m either:
Neither of those are true of me. I am a terminal romantic. My Cocteau Twins album is nicely complementing this thought stream. I’m forced to confess that I’m desperately in love with my Man. He’s so freaking amusing and witty and ARRGH IS IT TOMORROW NIGHT YET??????
But I’ve just been musing on these thoughts lately as it seems that the whole world is hung up on Identity right now. I think what you do and what sort of karma you spread is far more crucial. Yanno?