Of mischief and fragility

Been on a bit of an odd trip the last few months. Or is it just that sort of life? Meh, probably. At least I’m mostly having fun. So allow me to break down what’s happening on my planet.

1. Excited about Halloween in a couple days. Going to work and a party that night dressed as Suicide Squad’s Harley Quinn. It’s simply too epic a trolling to pass up. My inner Loki simply has a raging boner for this one. I know, sometimes I’m just totes eloquent.

2. My RA has been resurfacing after a long period of being in very little pain. Not sure if it’s the weather or what but I’m back on the prednisone and not thrilled about it. Tapering down because most predictably the stuff always turns me into a wreck mentally. Calming down a bit but worried I’m going to flare like hell as soon as the steroid is gone. Hoping this doesn’t mess with my Halloween Fun.

3. I’m still having lots of fun rediscovering my boyish inner self and watching lots of cartoons and spending lots of time outside. Trying to spend more time laughing because it makes difficult and trying times so much more bearable. Getting ready to chill with my Pikachu and some gummi worms and watch something cute.

4. Mentally, as usual I’m a highly mixed bag. I’m honestly well aware of my varying degrees of madness. I have my craziness fairly well deconstructed. It’s just that awareness does not automatically equal results. I’ve done a lot of work on myself the past few years to just be more open with other people and laid back and peaceful. Yes, Crazy Thom wants inner peace. I know, it’s wacky, right? In all seriousness though I’m still tearing away context/details/shit that I don’t need from my brain on a daily basis and tossing it in the incinerator.

5. I’ve come to realize that most people do the bulk of their suffering privately. I’m trying to keep in perspective the fact that everyone could be in the midst of a raging battle that i know nothing about.

That’s about all i have for now except…..

A Halloween teaser photo:

Have fun and be safe this Halloween!

-Tommy Boy

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Through dark waters

I suppose that isn’t the most uplifting title, but such are the times and trials of late.  I’m on my feet and still fighting. I’m trying to not just bitch incessantly about things as all that really achieves is getting me MORE worked up. So that said I haven’t had the best of times lately. 
My RA is about as well controlled as I can hope for right now. The methotrexate is rough but pretty good at controlling my symptoms. Since I started this higher dose I’ve almost completely removed prednisone from my daily meds. I’ve done two three day bursts in the last month and a half which is not very much at all so naturally I’m happy about that.  I’m fairly certain that my bussing and barbacking days are nearly over. It’s just too damn much physical strain. I can’t keep up with it like I used to and I’m killing myself trying. Going to give serving a try as well as explore a few other things. 

So yeah, RA is currently alright. Bipolar disorder issues, not so much. I’m not having any mania or anything like that. I just frequently get really sad. Lately my phone just doesn’t ring, no-one comes over and I can’t find anyone to talk to or hang out with me and it’s kind of eating at me. I’m doing my best to be my own best friend here. Having the animals here helps, but I’m still getting pretty stir crazy being by myself all day everyday. 

Not badly depressed. Just frequently sad and lonely and morose. Agitated because I don’t know what to do with myself. I have to figure something out, I’m home alone for another four weeks. 

I got so bored I even set up an Instagram account. That one shocked even me. I don’t have many good pictures but perhaps I can start taking some. It’s just more internet crap to amuse myself with. Whatevers.

I don’t mean to make it sound like things are terrible. I’m just starved for the little things. Someone to hold me together when I fall apart, that sort of thing. I’ve been laying on our sofa a lot because if you lay against the back it kind of feels like someone spooning with you. 

I’m just doing my best to be there for myself and trying to properly maintain. I shouldn’t be counting the days but I totally am, of course. Here’s hoping for a better tomorrow.
Delicately yours,

Thom

Spring is in the air

Yup, Florida’s ever so brief flirting with cool temperatures is nearly behind us giving way to spring. This will be my second spring break working on Clearwater Beach and I am EXCITED this year. I plan to make some money. The fact that my employer just gave me a killer raise plays into this aspiration well. 

Health wise I’m doing pretty well. My foot is all healed up and my RA meds seem to be doing the job. I’m not having intense pain when I do flare and it’s certainly less frequent with my taking the Methotrexate and Humira. I don’t use steroids much these days and I rarely use my heavy duty ibuprofen.

Anyhow, things are pretty good right now. Work goes well, I’ve managed to catch up with a couple friends recently and I’m just trying to enjoy the time I do get to myself. Playing into that, my listening agenda lately has consisted of The Devil’s Blood, Beherit, Funeral Mist. Samael, Jex Thoth, Jess and the Ancient Ones, Fallen Christ and Sadistic Intent. I’ve also been occasionally working in some moody stuff like a bit of The Golden Palominos and how could I forget that lovely band called Purson? Magnificent band, sultry, trippy and deeply insightful. Just the way I like my Psychedelica.

I don’t do nearly as much reading these days as I would like and this is something that I’m trying to improve my record on. I’m ADHD as all get out. I live to read if it interests me but I have a hard time staying on task and my attention wanders horribly. Currently I’m reading a book about Goddess worship throughout human history as well as the occasional Crowley book. Even if all I read is a chapter now and then I try to keep going.

As ever, with all things. This spring break should be a bit better. A lot of the construction on the beach is donezo. I know what’s wrong with my joints unlike last spring break. The meds seem to be working well and I’m feeling alright about it. As long as I can manage the fatigue I’ll be alright. I just finished eight days straight the day before yesterday. Can’t wait to get that check. 

In the meantime, based on a few suggestions from friends I’m going to give CBD oil a try for my arthritis pain. It got some rave reviews from people I know that had some pretty serious pain to manage. I’m pretty sure Florida will give me a medical marijuana card but God knows how long that’ll take. CBD is already legal in this state and I think it’s worth a shot.

So yes, today finds me facing the near future with optimism and hope. I just have to be careful and listen to my body. I can only do what I can do. 

That goes for you as well. 

93

-Thom