I’m plugging away with getting my life in order. Caught up on bills. Credit card nearly fully paid off. This Tuesday will make thirty days clean, which is something I didn’t believe that I could do for the longest time. Aside from that I’m just doing my thing, sewing some new stuff to my vest later today and doing some NA literature reading daily.
My program is working fairly well, though I’m still new to this constructively dealing with my problems thing. My emotional state has been highly variable as well as my health. The arthritis in my hands as well as my tendonitis have both been getting more severe and getting through a day of work is getting steadily more taxing. Due to hypertension coming back I’ve had to give up my ADHD medication. It’s whatever. I’m choosing to look at it as one less thing to have to cough up money for. I could stay the course but my blood pressure meds would be totally pointless and I don’t want to have a fucking heart attack so I just decided to let it go and deal with the fog as well as I can.
Back to the issue of my hands, I have to go to a Rheumatologist soon. My pain is getting worse and I’ve developed nodules on the knuckles of both hands. I’m so stiff in the mornings some days that I can barely pour a cup of coffee. Whatever happens I’ll deal with. My Doctor seems to think it may be something more serious than simple osteoarthritis hence visiting the specialist soon.
Aside from that, I’ve been my usual beaten down but determined self. I am salvaging the wreckage of my life, making new friends and doing the best I can.
Not much else I can do, methinks.
Well, I’m hanging with things to the best of my ability. I’m not in a terrible state but not exactly walking tall either. My arm is less painful but still awry. It doesn’t cause a lot of pain but just feels funny and weak when I do things like open doors and other things that cause rotation.
That said, money and whatnot is pretty tight as I haven’t had a job in a few weeks. I’m looking but not having much success. I keep telling myself to just keep the hell at it. It makes me feel really icky being unemployed and the stress has really been weighing on me. I’m holding on, but I’ve been having some mini fits and depressive periods. Part of it is that my boyfriend has been in Alaska since Wednesday and I’ve grown quite tired of my own company.
Having two cats and a dog helps. They give me joy with their wacky antics. My man gets back Sunday night so at least I have that to look forward to.
The lousy thing is that I’m still somewhat injured in spite of all the antiinflammatory drugs and Neurontin. A lot of things I can do with no problem but certain types of motions cause it to pinch. I don’t have any real intense neuropathy going on, more of just a general unease and lingering weakness.
I’m looking for a sooner appointment with the Neurologist as the first one I could get is nearly a month away. My nicotine patches arrived And… Too damned strong. I had to take it off after thirty minutes because I was literally tripping on nicotine.
So yeah, a few setbacks of late. Also, I haven’t been taking anything for ADHD because of blood pressure issues. This is another situation that is resolving itself extremely slowly and is taking a rather decent toll on the larger picture. Can’t really do anything theatrical with a gimp hand so… I’m just sweating it out by my damn self. Mostly. My dear friend took me out to have a beer last night which was very nice.
So yeah, in the holding pattern of holding patterns. Trying to get my shit together and break away from the mire.