I’m (somewhat) back!

I haven’t posted much of anything in a while. I realize that these dry spells probably make it difficult to maintain a decent amount of an audience. I’m often not sure why I blog, until I remember that it’s crucial to my overall thought organization \ analysis process. Also, I had a rough few months with forearm tendon and ligament issues from too much knife work.

However, it’s been a while and I have a decent amount stored up to share with my readers. I like WordPress because it is a great way for me to step outside of my own existence for a bit and crawl into the head of another.

I’m still brewing amazing kombucha, had a continuous brew going for some time now. I’m working but only part time as the wrist issues are not fully behind me. Things are lovely with my amazing boyfriend. We don’t have Christmas stockings for either of us but we do for our dog and two cats. How gay is that? 😉

I finally finished my battle vest after working on it for nearly a year. Finished it just in time to go see DRI last week. It was the show of a lifetime. Met Kurt Brecht and Harald Omioen. My Buddy Damien came with me to the show and bought me beer and we had a blast. I went in the pit for about a minute during Bleeding Money’s set and it was pure feral delight.

The highlight of the night was Damien and I hanging out front of the venue with DRI bassist Harald. He told us the story of his goofy dance bomb on Watain’s stage at the Maryland Death Fest. We talked Metal and got a few awesome pictures of the DRI gents we met. Very nice people and they absolutely destroyed the place with their live show. Pure professionals, those guys.

Aside from that, just keeping my head above water and getting ready for Christmas. Shannon and I had a blast decorating our tree together for our first holiday season as a couple.  My blood pressure was a bit high from being on adderall so I got put on an ACE inhibitor and got it under control and switched to Ritalin. Oddly enough, even though I hated it as a kid it seems to be a better fit than the adderall. Fancy that.

That’s about all for now. Here’s a few photos of the vest and from the show.

Enjoy!

Love,
Thom

image

image

image

image

image

image

Advertisements

On a lighter note…

It’s been rough but things are looking up. After running out of cigs last night I decided to give the patch another try. It seems much more doable now and my heart rate is calming down from the steady stream versus spiking with a cigarette every hour or so.

I responded to a Craigslist ad regarding a kitchen job that’s a block from my place. Not wanting to risk waiting for a reply caused me to go in this morning and apply. I got an interview on the spot and I think it went fairly well. I’ll know for sure in a couple days.

I keep reminding myself how crucial patience is when dealing with the capricious nature of life. My boyfriend gets back tomorrow and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Working out has been my ace up my sleeve. It’s nice to know that some things are always what they are.

If I can’t continue with Adderall I may have to give Ritalin or Provigil another go. Whatever. I’ll cross that bridge when I reach it. In the meantime I’m just trying to stay positive and productive.

So Ja, I’m feeling pretty good about things. Let’s hope the forces of nature keep favoring me. That’s all for now 🙂

Contradictions….

So many things which seem to be the purest form thereof….are not. Whether one is talking about chemistry of the romantic and neurological varieties, or a really stunning recipe, or a crossover album or WHATEVER- Some things which seem like a bad idea on paper or in theory turn out to be stunning testaments to human ingenuity. It all depends on how you approach it.

Some of the Metal music I adore is honestly pure schlock and cheese. But it works despite how cartoony it may appear on the surface. A great deal of my friends are people I never thought I would ever have any common ground with. Variety is truly the spice of life.

So it goes with many things. My current boyfriend and I actually have some things in common, which is highly unusual for me. I usually find myself awkwardly mismatched and grasping for the words at any moment. When I saw him recently we listened to some Brian Eno, some Lycia, some Jess and The Ancient Ones and I even managed (being a devious bastard) to slip some Mortuary Drape in there. He isn’t an obsessive listener and just told me to surprise him. Still,  he was pretty receptive to everything I played. Important plot point this is. He and I are very different people but we seem to be a good fit.

Back to contradictions, let’s talk about the chemical management of the bipolar one/adhd stuff. Risperdal and Adderall. The most potent dopamine blocker on the market combined with the most powerful stimulant. You would figure this would be a clear case of canceling one another out, ja? Not the case. The risperdal generally keeps me calm as a hindu cow while the adderall makes me think more.. I guess you could call it linearly and logically. I can plan ahead as I go and not get sidetracked by every stupid little thing. I’m hoping I can use this to help me conquer some sort of schooling soon. I went to trade school for HVAC but my back and shoulders are in no shape for that sort of work anymore.

I’ve started this blog for a few primary reasons.

1. To have a place where I can speak relatively freely and release pressure.

2. To get myself back in the habit of writing.

3. To offer what perspective, insight and support I can to the community of mental health bloggers on wordpress.

Blogging here has been an immensely valuable resource for me in the past. Whether it’s for just blowing off steam. sharing strategies for coping or just having a place to share/be oneself this is a wonderful community. I’ve had to narrow my audience a bit as I’m not really ‘out’ with about half my family. So there goes publicizing on facebook. Still, I’m doing it more for peace of mind than the gathering of followers.

So that’s about where I’m at. Enjoying my mental health sabbatical and getting my affairs in order. Medicare dragged their feet on striking me from the rolls so I nearly lost my tax credit for my current insurance. Got it sorted out though. As it stands though I’m kind of in the weeds. I was on Social Security Disability for five years. My case was flagged for termination while I was still barely functional because I started working part time. I was still a mess though.

I filed for an extension of benefits while my appeal was being reviewed. However, something changed. After about nine months after I filed I got taken off of Lithium and put on Risperdal. I was a  literally like a new man after about a month on Risperdal. I abandoned my appeal indicating to them that my condition had drastically improved and I was no longer interested in pursuing the hearing. So I got stuck with the bill because I signed an agreement stating that I understood I may have to pay the appeal payments back.

So I owe about a year of SSDI back. Eleven Thousand dollars. Ouch. I’m a person of modest income so this will take a long time to pay off. However, I have made arrangements for monthly payments. It’s a bitter pill to swallow as I feel I’m being punished for getting better. My condition was well established as causing impairment and the change for the better was abrupt. Still- what can I do?

In spite of this all, I feel good. I know I’ve changed for the better because the old me would be going completely to pieces over this kind of stuff. Experience really is the best teacher.

That’s about all I have for now. Be well.

-Thom

 

P.S.- One final thing- regarding the title ‘Planet Berserk’: My nickname among friends has been Berserker since I was seventeen years old (32 now). It is what it is 😉