Muh frustration

It’s 4:23 in the morning and I’ve been up for two hours. I fell asleep around 8 like I usually do(even remembered to take some melatonin first) and woke up because I had to pee. That’s usually the thing that ends up curtailing an otherwise promising night of sleep.

I laid back down for a while and tossed about, clutching my Unicorn and thinking about my Boyfriend. Our bed is messed up so I sleep in it alone on the decent side. He sleeps on the couch and I, well…I kind of lose my mind at night. I didn’t get into a commited relationship so I could sleep with just my stuffed animals!!!*sigh* I sip some more of my tea, take a breath and begin to explore the possibility of bonghits. Don’t get me wrong, our relationship is immensely joyful and full of love. We just have a pretty shit sleeping arrangement right now.

Morning time is hard for me. The part where I have breakfast, take my various meds and start charging towards my daily bullshit is alright but the EARLY morning (usually 3-630 or so) is my isolation chamber time essentially as the rest of the house and world(most of the folks around here anyway)My Kitty passed right before last Christmas and I think the most about her in my night and morning because she used to sleep in the bed with me. I often find myself feeling especially woeful early on and then all i have to do is glance at her urn on the shelf and the tears just start flowing. That hasn’t happened today but the rest of the house is snoozing and I’m wide fucking awake wishing it was already time to do stuff because I am going a LITTLE stir crazy here lolol😹 I think part of it is my body screaming for that first hit of estradiol. Which will only make me more frisky 🤣

On the one hand I appreciate the solitude and the quiet immensely when I need it, it’s just that I wake up in high gear and it’s simply not a good fit the first few hours! I have a few friends I can text at weird hours but I really try to avoid doing so but….

I’m just so fucking starved for some interaction. But right now the pipe will have to do. That and maybe bothering the Cat a bit. At least now it’s late enough to take my HRT and start equalizing 🤘

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