I just quietly realized as I was sitting on my couch thinking about what to say that…..
I have been transitioning for nearly a full year since I came out in February of 2018. It’s been both immensely satisfying and highly challenging. Today is day 52 on hormone therapy and I’m already seeing a decent amount of softening in the face as well as breast development. In the last year I’ve made some really cool new friends, started a discussion group on Facebook for Transgender Metalheads, and been fairly diligent about keeping up with my usual therapist as well as my gender therapist. Generally speaking it’s been a great last year but not without a few complications and whatnot. I have a great supportive family and group of local friends. My dear online family between facebook and Instagram is pretty extensive and I have a lot of people I chat/text with fairly on the regular. These people are AMAZING. That said… I have become somewhat more isolated in the last year.
Some of this was inevitable. A lot of my friends have kids now or live farther away. We all have work schedules that get in the way too. I have a lot of people who check up on me (or whom I try to look out for as well as I can) but I still find so very much of my life to be a solo mission.
Don’t get me wrong, my darling is amazing. But it has been a rough last several weeks for me with my work life drying up and him being so busy with theatre. Both He and my Job have always done so much to fill that social void. I’ve determined that I need to get myself reinvolved at least with my backstage life. I don’t know when I’ll be comfortable enough to be a performer again but I hope someday that I will because theatre did so much in the past to build my confidence and I really miss all my playhouse people.
I just hope I can be on point and reliable. I’ve got a bit of social anxiety issues I’m grappling with lately and being a Transgender Bipolar Lady with ADHD and Rheumatoid Arthritis… Well…. I feel like I rarely get a break. I’m losing physical strength from the hormones(plus my Boobs hurt like HELL) and I’m trying to find something new to break into for work.
At the very least…. I need to get out more. I didn’t start transitioning so I could become a damned hermit!
So time to get the hell back into the arts. I NEED IT.
Hope you all have a splendid Sunday!
-Lily Jane 🌷