Lily’s First Holiday Season

Like many seasons before, it’s proving to be a kick in the head. However, this year is a little different. It’s been about nine months since I came out as Transgender. This is my first season presenting female and if all goes well I will be beginning Hormone Replacement Therapy in a bit over two weeks from today. I’m seriously ready for this and I can hardly believe it’s finally actually happening. I will be seeing an Endocrinologist just to be on the safe side with figuring out dosage and all mostly because I have an autoimmune disease (RA)and don’t know what variables that might pose.

My Gender Therapist has been really amazing about helping guide me through this process. I really like the guy (He’s a Trans Man) and he’s super involved with Equality Florida. I saw him at the ‘We won’t be erased’ rally in St. Petersburg and last night he was a speaker/presenter at the Candlelight Vigil for Transgender Day of Remembrance. The Mayor of St Pete and many other city officials were speakers. I cried at various points. Listening to the names of the(confirmed) Trans People lost to violence cut me to the core. One of the slain shared my last name.

The night before the vigil my Man and I went to pick up a pizza. On the way there a jerk teenager started screaming and threatening to stab me. We kept going the other way and he didn’t follow us. I was freaked the walk back and had my mace ready. Thankfully the trip home was uneventful. It drives me nuts when people (Mostly Republicans) go around talking about people like me wanting special treatment and say things like ‘Its 2018, Gays are in absolutely no danger in the western world!’. Even though I was talking about TRANS PEOPLE. Nice subtle form of Erasure, eh?

I exist and sure as hell plan to assert it. The religious right doesn’t own America and they sure as shit don’t own me. I’m trying to detach myself from the news cycle and public outrage to some extent but with the ruling administration waging war on LGBT people I for one refuse to just roll over and let these lunatics erase us.

I’m not becoming ‘hateful’ or ‘screechy’ or whatever the latest word du jour is for people who don’t want to let billionaire narcissists do whatever they please. What I am becoming is simply no longer afraid to fight the hell back. I’m as sweet and reasonable as they come but that ends when you start stripping people like Me of our civil rights to housing and employment and education and healthcare and threatening to define us into legal and literal oblivion.

Anyhow, the transition goes well. Got my Gender Dysphoria diagnosis letter sent to the doctor, my hair is finally starting to look good, and I’m building a huge Trans family online. I still only know a couple of local people because I’m incredibly slow to approach people but I’m working on it. One thing my therapist advised is to not do any sort of body modifications until I’ve been on hormones for a long while because often the changes from the hormones prove sufficient without altering anything plus if you do something early in HRT the results can be unpredictable. So yeah, still taking things nice and slow.

The next thing to start working on is my voice. Luckily I found a nearby Trans Wellness Center that has vocal training classes. Definitely looking into this. Anyhow, I’m still fighting holiday stress as per usual. I’m a little nervous about getting awkward questions over the holidays from relatives who haven’t seen Lily in person yet. Doing my best to be good natured. There have been awkward moments, sure. But my family has been mostly super cool about my Transition. I love them and I pray like HELL that we keep political discussion to a minimum for the sake of decorum.

Aside from that, just enjoying the Facebook group I started (Transgender Metal People 😫)and loving and appreciating the living daylights out of my growing Trans Family. If y’all are reading this YOU mean the absolute Universe to me 🤘

Anyhow, despite my troubles at least my anxiety meds work and I had tacos for lunch! Today has been pretty good and I’m feeling pretty awesome about Lily Jane (and planning to start taking some Martial Arts classes 🤘).

Happy Beginning of the Holidays, folks. Enjoy this photo of me at the Trans Rights Rally. More to come.

I am just getting started 😘

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