To say I’m having a rough time of late would be quite fair. The usual physical and mental troubles plus the fact of my Darling Man being in Alaska for two months. I’m almost two weeks in and my public face is still pretty good, though it has been wearing on me something fierce. I’m going to work, taking care of our Dog and two Cats and just going through the day to day motions. At some point every day when I’m alone (usually when I get home from work) I curl up in our bed and start sobbing. It passes quickly enough, but every day without fail since he left.
I’ve been flirting with escapism, wanting to delete this blog, my facebook, my myrateam.com account and I haven’t done so. Why? Because I know it’ll not really accomplish anything outside of worrying people. I realize that a lot of people care about me but when I get in a depressed state I just want to shut out everything under and including the Sun. I know that that’s when I need to reach out and I’m slowly getting better about this.
Apparently RA can cause or exacerbate depression. I read this and I’m like ‘Oh joy.’. I have to at this point stress that I am mostly alright, just having a rough go of things. My joint issues have if anything gotten more pronounced in the last year but they haven’t stopped me yet. I am especially fortunate to have discovered myrateam.com , it’s a really good resource for people with RA. It’s nice to have a place where I can vent among people in the same situation who can relate and offer insights and or encouragement.
So yeah, I’m not going anywhere, as this blog is a major stabilizing factor in my life. I’m hanging in there. I’m in the weeds, and I hurt. Sometimes terribly. I try not to be that flaky person always bitching and moaning about something be it physical or mental. But if this blog was intended for anything it’s precisely this. More than anything it’s for me to help with sorting myself out. I tend to be a person who suffers privately but I’m trying to get more open with other people about what I think and feel. Because sometimes people want to help me. What’s more, sometimes I want to let them 😉
I promise to keep doing my best. 93