Slogging away

My life is pretty chaotic at present. My home/romantic life is wonderful but other facets of my life are to put it simply falling apart. I can’t find employment to save my life. I’ve had a kajillion interviews and zero callbacks. The consistent theme lately seems to be rejection.  To be perfectly honest, it isn’t a huge surprise to me.

My resume is pretty weak, all things considered. I’ve had two severe mental collapses in my life. Both times my working life seriously regressed.  All I have for stable work experience in the last few years is shitty low end crap restaurant jobs that ran me ragged.

That’s why I’m pushing forward with the Vincent House thing. Because I’ve never really gotten any kind of help for being mentally ill. I feel like I would be severely stupid to not further investigate the possibility.  As far as that goes, I’m doing what I have to do. I have to first open a case with Florida vocational rehabilitation and designate Vincent House as my provider.

I’ve been through the place and talked to people there. I think these people can really help me get on the right track and I look forward to making it happen.

It’s been ten years since my first nervous breakdown that resulted in my type one bipolar disorder diagnosis. I have tried and tried harder than I thought was humanly possible to make it on my own. I simply can’t make a decent living with what’s available to me. I can’t handle the heat of kitchens any more with all the meds that I take daily.

I’m just not built for straight up warfare type jobs anymore. I need a new skill or something.  I had my intake/orientation appointment with vocational rehabilitation a couple days ago. Tuesday I have my meeting with the counselor to talk about my history and determine my eligibility I suppose.

Here’s hoping. I feel like this is my best shot and I’m taking it. Say a little invocation for me, won’t you?

A fun week indeed!

It’s been a stressful few weeks leading up to recently. I was sick for nearly two months and had to take an antibiotic regimen for a lung infection. It worked, but I still have a cough that has been induced by a med that I take for hypertension.  I switched to a new drug but the cough will take a few days to recede. I worked a full week plus overtime for several days of being seriously dead on my feet. By the time my scheduled flight was approaching I decided that I was too sick to fly to a state actually experiencing winter.

So yeah, I missed my little Sister’s wedding. I felt bad about it but I was like a walking plague victim for weeks. It was freaking miserable. I had a week off and got in to see the hand surgeon again for some cortisone shots and a note getting me out of doing prep. Hot line was fine but I was too injured to be working a knife. Turning in my note caused the bastards to make good on their threats to slash my schedule.

They scheduled me a night knowing damn well that I only work mornings because I ride the bus. I just got pissed arguing about it and calmly told them I was donezo. The final insult was them trying to not give me my overtime pay for the week I worked when I should have been in bed with Vicks on my chest. I cornered my boss and got him to cough up the difference and left there feeling free and liberated.

Aside from all that bull, it’s not a misleading title to this blog post. It’s been a fun week. Shannon’s Mom has been staying with us the week  and she is an absolute trip. We’ve been having lots of fun and tonight she’s taking us to a late dinner at a really swanky place in Tampa. I am excite 🙂

The three of us have split kitchen duties and watching movies and going shopping and whatnot. She got us some cool stuff for our dog and two cats as well. So that’s a plus.

Monday I resume the job search and Thursday I go to my appointment with Florida Vocational rehabilitation. I’m hoping that they can help me get on the right sort of path.

I have a really good feeling about getting involved with the Vincent House. That’s about all that’s going on at the moment. Out of an abusive job and aggressively searching for a new job. Had a second interview for a bussing/dish job on Clearwater Beach. Hoping something comes of that.

Oh! There is one more thing. Auditioned for the role of Mitch in ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’. Keeping muh fingers crossed. That’s really all.

Keep it absurd, y’all.

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-T

Brain Shivers….

Yes, it IS as strange and unpleasant as it might sound. Drugs that hit certain types of neurotransmitters like serotonin, norepinephrine or dopamine are often the cause of this most icky feeling of symptoms. The brain is a big ol’ web of electrical signals that get screwed up by sudden withdrawal from certain central nervous system drugs.

The brain shivers involve the electrical activity in ones brain going slightly haywire from the aforementioned withdrawal from these meds. For me, it was Effexor. My doctor took me off of it way too fast and I had four days with no sleep and blip after blip of weird neurological activity.

It’s sort of like a bad mushroom Trip that just makes you progressively more batshit and just plain miserable.

Coming off this drug was worse than any withdrawal I’ve ever experienced including opiates. Would never wish it on my worst enemies.  I was certain that I would never sleep again. I was sick, upside down feeling and just plain awful after smoking some marijuana finally put me out for the night after day four.

I hope you never have to experience this. Remember to go nice and easy and slow when titrating down on any psych drug.