Family can be both an atavistic well of support and a fountain of crushing discontent. For years I’ve managed to skate a delicate edge with those dear to me regarding who I am. This has in my opinion prematurely aged me a tad and caused me to grow tired and frustrated.
No one in my family has really ever given me shit for being queer. While I’ve heard some less than enlightened perspectives, for the most part it’s pretty tame. I know most of the time that I think about it more than they did or do. Still, it frustrates me when they refer to my boyfriend as my ‘friend’ as if the words boyfriend or lover are anathema.
Still, I don’t generally run into any issues. It’s just subtle things that give me pause more than anything. Cause me to perhaps wonder if I’m ‘being in everyone’s face’ with it or something.
I’ve been told I’m ‘just confused’ more times than I care to recall. I’m thirty-three years old. I don’t feel funny, odd or confused. I feel like a guy who knows what he likes and doesn’t feel like he needs to prove anything to anyone.
That said, life is pretty good. Its just a bit of culture shock for my family because they have not known a great deal of not straight people in their time. I know they don’t love me any less. I wish I could just put them at ease and make them realize its still the same person they’ve always known.
Maybe it’s all in my head. I try to consider all possibilities. Because I dated girls for years perhaps it threw them for a loop. Whatevs. It’s all good. I love ’em.
In the annals of Thom history this may well be remembered as the year that I (re)found myself. It in many ways has been a breakthrough year for me and I’m so floored by it that I’m choosing to blog about it before Christmas is wrapped up with.
Let us take a moment to see where I am with things:
OFF SSDI Completely. I owe them a bit for an overpayment but whatevs. Those are the breaks.
In love. This is a big one. During a production I was acting and stage managing for I fell for one of the actors I had previously worked with. Sparks flew and we just celebrated our first Christmas together under the same roof. He fills my soul with mirth and my heart with unparalleled joy.
Re-ignited my passion for being a Metalhead and diversified somewhat as a listener. Saw three shows this year. One was a bunch of bands at the brass mug with the Koroidia guys playing and the other two were Napalm Death/ Voivod and DRI. In spite of wishing I made it to more, these three shows made my year. Particularly DRI, in no small part due to my buddy Damien and I getting to hang out with Harald Oimoen.
Speaking of whom, I just ordered his book ‘Murder in The Front Row’ which is all about the Bay area Thrash explosion. Words can not describe my excitement level. All I gotta do now is take it to the next DRI show and get it signed for the win.
As far as diversification of my listening pallette I’ve come to a far greater appreciation of stoner/sludge rock and psychedelic rock which utilizes more punkish touches and accents. Jex Thoth, I’m looking at you.
Anyhow, this year hasn’t been without angst or heartbreak, but it has been a pretty damned good year. I am feeling alive, rejuvenated and ready for war.
Happy Holidays to all!
I haven’t posted much of anything in a while. I realize that these dry spells probably make it difficult to maintain a decent amount of an audience. I’m often not sure why I blog, until I remember that it’s crucial to my overall thought organization \ analysis process. Also, I had a rough few months with forearm tendon and ligament issues from too much knife work.
However, it’s been a while and I have a decent amount stored up to share with my readers. I like WordPress because it is a great way for me to step outside of my own existence for a bit and crawl into the head of another.
I’m still brewing amazing kombucha, had a continuous brew going for some time now. I’m working but only part time as the wrist issues are not fully behind me. Things are lovely with my amazing boyfriend. We don’t have Christmas stockings for either of us but we do for our dog and two cats. How gay is that? 😉
I finally finished my battle vest after working on it for nearly a year. Finished it just in time to go see DRI last week. It was the show of a lifetime. Met Kurt Brecht and Harald Omioen. My Buddy Damien came with me to the show and bought me beer and we had a blast. I went in the pit for about a minute during Bleeding Money’s set and it was pure feral delight.
The highlight of the night was Damien and I hanging out front of the venue with DRI bassist Harald. He told us the story of his goofy dance bomb on Watain’s stage at the Maryland Death Fest. We talked Metal and got a few awesome pictures of the DRI gents we met. Very nice people and they absolutely destroyed the place with their live show. Pure professionals, those guys.
Aside from that, just keeping my head above water and getting ready for Christmas. Shannon and I had a blast decorating our tree together for our first holiday season as a couple. My blood pressure was a bit high from being on adderall so I got put on an ACE inhibitor and got it under control and switched to Ritalin. Oddly enough, even though I hated it as a kid it seems to be a better fit than the adderall. Fancy that.
That’s about all for now. Here’s a few photos of the vest and from the show.