Handicapped and bummed out

Well,  the business with my arm finally came to a head. I had already put in two weeks notice at my job but 5 days is as far as I could push through the pain. I was really upset the day I quit I made it through one last really super busy day and I was like I’m sorry I can not continue. I really tried to do the right thing but the job just got to be way too much for me in my current state. The inflammation has gotten really intense and my right hand is for all intents and purposes useless.

I’m not doing anything until I see the rheumatologist Monday morning. Arthritis and tendonitis have already been diagnosed but I think there may be some nerve pinching or something else going on secondary to that. Only reason I can blog right now is that I have discovered the wonder of the voice recognition features of my phone.  I’ve been using ice, my brace and a decent amount of naproxen to try to control the swelling.

I’m not that bad off but I’m going a bit stir crazy. Signing off for now.


A fine romance…

Is what I find myself currently enjoying. Life has been pretty good, despite a few hiccups. I have a week and a half to go at my current job. Acute tendonitis is forcing me out of being a prep guy. I’m still going to be a cook for a while, but as a line guy strictly. Less knife work is good. I still have to go easy, but I’ll at least have some income. My doctor basically told me that my arm won’t get any better until I stop aggravating it. So, um… Yeah. I’m simply unable to keep up with the demands of the job I’m doing. Le sigh.

But my home and love life is fucking spectacular. For this I am grateful. I’m moved in with Shannon as of ten days ago. Our Cats are still being a little pissy but it’s not that big of a deal. My Man works overnight while I do mornings so at times we’re like ships passing in the night. But we take turns cooking and get our respective fixes of one another on the weekend.

I’ve never lived in a city before. It’s pretty neat. More to come 🙂

The next chapter…

I am moved in and enjoying myself. Just finished up yesterday and I’m feeling pretty good about things. Of course, I’ve felt moved in since my kilt and sword were placed in the closet. To each their subjective sense of measurement I suppose.

When we were standing in the kitchen after my final trip with my Cat and my bicycle he said “Welcome home, baby.”. It was a lovely little moment we shared.

Aside from moving things have been relatively chill but a tad frantic. I need to find a new job soon. I like my current job well enough but there’s a problem. Arthritis/Tendonitis in my knife forearm. My Doctor told me to keep using the brace and taking ibuprofen. He also advised me to find a new line of work. He said it’s definitely an occupational injury and treating it is pointless if I just keep aggravating the shit out of it every day.

I can’t argue. I just don’t know what to do. Being a prep cook is one of the few jobs I’ve ever been any good at. But I’m not a kid anymore. Le sigh.

I know some kind of schooling is in order. I just hope what I have to settle for in the meantime isn’t too terribly nauseating.

Whatever. This is the new chapter. A chapter not yet written and full of possibility. Ad astra per aspara.

The Path

Lies before me. It’s simple enough to know which way I desire. Alas, the way is not clearly signposted. So much deception, so many snares of ambiguity and such a strange myriad of fellow players.

For a time I badly wanted to believe in the Christian version of things. I went to Church (Antiochian Orthodox), sang in the choir and did catechism. I still miss singing in Church to this day. But too many things didn’t gel with me. The fact that I like men was part of it but not the only thing. I have a wee bit of an Occult background and always thought to myself ‘They would turn on you in a flash if they really knew you.’

I don’t know really. I listen to a lot of fucking evil music. I’m not a Satanist or even a Left Hand Path type. I believe in spiritual discipline and reverence towards the creative forces of the Architect of the Universe. The stuff like Gorgoroth and Averse Sefira and Deicide appeals almost more to the punk in me as what is presented are essentially hymns of rebellion.

I have seen enough of the darker side of humanity for one lifetime. I’ve been through a few doors I perhaps shouldn’t have been. But in spite of this I’ve maintained my ethics more or less. I still consciously know that I am a creature of light after all is said and done. My dumb gay heart refuses to completely lose my humanity.

As I said though, the path is clear enough. Executing can be a bit dicey. So many things are simply not what they appear. So many seemingly illumined people turn out to be the most predatory of creatures. My problem with Christianity has mostly to do with the Church and not Jesus.

As a person in a Hermetic/Rosicrucian space, I like to believe that Christ and I are doing just fine together. However I do wonder sometimes.

I was singing in Church once and became aware of smoke. Where I  sang was in the choir pit towards the back by the doors in from the narthex. In the narthex there was a big sand pit with candles and icons above. An icon had fallen into the candles. It was right on the other side of the wall from me and freaked me out a bit. Until I forgot about it. For a while.

Then I checked out a Church closer to home one week. It was a beautiful little Greek Church. I had a lovely time there and everyone was very nice. I was thinking about going back and found out that in the middle of the night a few days after my visit there was an electrical fire there. Haven’t been to Church since. Kind of feel like I don’t belong there.

I know that these incidents have zero to do with me but they still filled me with… Unease. I’m not really sure why I’m compelled to share this.

Whether the demons that stalk us are internal or otherworldly one fact remains:

Every single day we face a choice of which path to take. Choose wisely.

Moving on!

Half my stuff is already in Clearwater. I’ve got clothes, books and a couple shelves to go. My Buddy Justin is snagging me a few boxes from his work tomorrow. Obviously the Kitty and related stuff comes last.  I’m really freaking excited and optimistic feeling.

I hope our Cats get along. That’s my primary concern aside from getting a bus pass. That, and spending every day possible swimming and being passionate about life. He’s letting me reorganize the kitchen as I see fit. Ah!  This is gonna be fun.  I’m so thrilled to be getting out of my Mom’s house.

That’s about all for now. Going forth and conquering and all that 🙂