The purpose….

At the risk of sounding like a tumblrista or something equally absurd, I needed a place I could sort of control access to. A corner where I could be mostly alone and/or limited to interacting with myself and my elite group of shock troops who actually mostly understand me. Facebook has lots of family and people I don’t know particularly well. Both are potential sources of conversational black holes and significant aggravation.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m ripping on my family. I love them dearly. But I can only answer the same questions so many times before it becomes apparent I’m not being listened to. Oh so many examples.

I don’t mean for this blog to be some sort of idiotic hugbox, really. I just want somewhere where I can spill my guts or heaven forbid share the things that make me happy.  I just want a place where I can mostly let my guard down without a barrage of asinine/idiotic interrogations.

If you’re reading this, consider yourself part of my inner circle.

Anyhow, Life goes relatively well. I had to drop from a show I was going to be in because bipolar issues began surfacing and I had to get myself the fuck under control. I’m happy I successfully completed the first show and made a relatively graceful exit before I seriously lost my shit mentally.

In spite of stressful times, something wonderful happened. I met a guy. A really lovely and wonderful guy. I had to keep things low key for a time as we were in a show together, but now that’s over with and we’ve been enjoying one another. He’s really sweet and has kind of a quiet intensity going on.

That’s all. I have a boyfriend who I really like. I’m not into starting drama with my clueless family so I generally keep this stuff to myself even when it wants to burst forth from my noise-hole.

I suppose I should just be totally outspoken about everything but it just isn’t how I was brought up. I love my family, I know they aren’t bad people, just old-school I guess. So I just live my life and try to not let it bother me. It just gets frustrating sometimes. My mom and I have had ‘the talk’ about my romantic attractions like a kajillion squillion times. I’ve told her, ‘I’m not confused, just bisexual’ more times than I can remember. Yet every time I’m with a girl it’s “Are you straight now?” and if it’s a guy it’s “so you’re gay now?”. Ye Gods. Bless her heart, she tries.

Bah, whatevs. I’m still in a pretty awesome mood in spite of all this. This guy absolutely melts my consciousness. He’s gentle yet strong, playful but serious, and as romantic as all get out. I feel like I can really be myself around him and I JUST WANT TO SCREAM IT FROM THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN!!!!

However, it IS early. Best keep a level head. This journal should help.

More as it develops.


One thought on “The purpose….

  1. Sad to hear you had to give up the show…. I enjoyed the pics and posts about it buti also understand needing to let it go. New relationships are very exciting, gives me butterflies to read this. Thank you for letting me into your circle!!

    Liked by 1 person

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