At the risk of sounding like a tumblrista or something equally absurd, I needed a place I could sort of control access to. A corner where I could be mostly alone and/or limited to interacting with myself and my elite group of shock troops who actually mostly understand me. Facebook has lots of family and people I don’t know particularly well. Both are potential sources of conversational black holes and significant aggravation.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m ripping on my family. I love them dearly. But I can only answer the same questions so many times before it becomes apparent I’m not being listened to. Oh so many examples.
I don’t mean for this blog to be some sort of idiotic hugbox, really. I just want somewhere where I can spill my guts or heaven forbid share the things that make me happy. I just want a place where I can mostly let my guard down without a barrage of asinine/idiotic interrogations.
If you’re reading this, consider yourself part of my inner circle.
Anyhow, Life goes relatively well. I had to drop from a show I was going to be in because bipolar issues began surfacing and I had to get myself the fuck under control. I’m happy I successfully completed the first show and made a relatively graceful exit before I seriously lost my shit mentally.
In spite of stressful times, something wonderful happened. I met a guy. A really lovely and wonderful guy. I had to keep things low key for a time as we were in a show together, but now that’s over with and we’ve been enjoying one another. He’s really sweet and has kind of a quiet intensity going on.
That’s all. I have a boyfriend who I really like. I’m not into starting drama with my clueless family so I generally keep this stuff to myself even when it wants to burst forth from my noise-hole.
I suppose I should just be totally outspoken about everything but it just isn’t how I was brought up. I love my family, I know they aren’t bad people, just old-school I guess. So I just live my life and try to not let it bother me. It just gets frustrating sometimes. My mom and I have had ‘the talk’ about my romantic attractions like a kajillion squillion times. I’ve told her, ‘I’m not confused, just bisexual’ more times than I can remember. Yet every time I’m with a girl it’s “Are you straight now?” and if it’s a guy it’s “so you’re gay now?”. Ye Gods. Bless her heart, she tries.
Bah, whatevs. I’m still in a pretty awesome mood in spite of all this. This guy absolutely melts my consciousness. He’s gentle yet strong, playful but serious, and as romantic as all get out. I feel like I can really be myself around him and I JUST WANT TO SCREAM IT FROM THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN!!!!
However, it IS early. Best keep a level head. This journal should help.
More as it develops.